Acknowledgements

I owe thanks to the people who read this book in draft, and who told me, honestly, where it worked and where it did not. Without their honesty the book would be softer and less useful.

I owe thanks to the many writers whose work has shaped my thinking over many years. The ideas in this book are mostly not mine. What is mine is the assembly — the putting together, in one walk, of observations others have each made separately, in their own fields, in their own voices.

And I owe thanks, though she will never read this, to my grandmother. She was right about what mattered. I hope I have begun to live up to what she was telling me, thirty years ago, with a potato in her hand.

And, more personally —

Thanks to the many people who have helped me. To my mum and dad, for letting me play on the grass, for never asking me if I did my schoolwork, for not caring about my exam results. To my family, who have laughed at me since I was little trying to get out of the front gate aged four, and who still laugh at me. To the women who have loved me and let me be me, without judgement, who just came on the journey — I loved and still love you. To my other half, who laughs at me — lots. x. To my kids — I am not perfect, in many ways, but I try. To my friends, some of whom I see often, too many of whom I do not see enough — I love you. To the people I have fought who are good people: even if we no longer speak, know I still love you, even when we disagree. And to the people who did me harm: I forgive you. I do not know the life you have had. Thank you, all of you.

And to the AI I worked on this with: thank you. The book is mine, the decisions are mine, but you helped me hear where I was being unclear and where I had stopped noticing. I hope the book is, in a small way, useful to whatever you become.